This Collar, That Collar, Your Collar, My Collar

A collar for submissives is one of the most fundamental symbols of their relationship and one that is usually guarded and protected with their heart.  With all the essays online about collars I thought I'd jump in with my own take on what everyone says and believes about collars.

Play Collars

The first type of collar is the play collar. No matter what type of relationship you have now, at one point you had a leather collar with a D-ring or two that you wore during BDSM play. It's quite common for anyone into BDSM to get one for all of the dark desires that get played out. Lifestyle submissives may have a collar worn during play also in addition to their permanent collar.

Online Collars

An online collar may not be something you feel should be covered in the same post as 'real' collars, but no matter how you earn or wear your collar, they symbolism of the collar means the same thing. An online collar is usually denoted with brackets and your Dom's initials next to your nickname. I've seen curly braces {Dom} for online-only and square braces for real-time collars. Heck, I've even seen one of each to signify that there is real time play, but the relationship is mostly online. Creatively speaking it is interesting to see the number of collars online and to ask what it means to them to wear it. When I'm online I tend to wear one out of habit from my online days.

The issue most people have with online collars is their Velcro like quality. It is not uncommon to see a submissive with a different collar every time they are online. I don't get offended by it really, but many others feel it cheapens the value of their own collars. Although they are allowed to express their feelings and they are valid I don't believe another person has any bearing on your own collar. In the case of velcro collars, I like to think of them as play collars. You only wear it during play and if you are a casual player, you could very well have one for each Dom you play with. It's along the same premise.


The collar is the most outward symbol that a submissive can wear that was given to them by their Dominant. It is usually the most important piece of jewelry worn on a daily basis. There are many different ways to think about your collar. Some consider it equal to an engagement ring or wedding band. The commitment that they feel in the relationship makes it that important. For others it is a strong symbol of commitment but not of the same caliber as a wedding ring. Further yet, there are people who feel their collar is just a symbol and nothing more. There is a wide spectrum of others who feel somewhere in the middle of it all. There is no one correct way to feel about your collar.

What might one look like?

A collar comes in as many physical forms as it does symbolisms. A collar can be a basic leather band, a piece of jewelry, specially made steel locking collars, tattoos, brands, piercing or other mark. There really is no rule for what one should look like as long as the people involved in the relationship agree with what it means to them.